Facing my fears

During my creative process, I got to perform parts of my show in front of my tutors and peers, in order to get feedback on what worked and what didn't. I could also ask them for advice on anything I was stuck on. Before the share back, I was very nervous. I hadn't performed in front of people in a while. After the share back, I did some research into ways of relaxing before a performance. This is in preparation of my next two share backs and my performance.

One thing I noticed was that I kept getting distressed by negative thoughts. I would tell myself that I will mess up and people will judge me, or that my material isn't good enough or that I don't have enough. When I researched, I learned that it is helpful before a performance to replace negative thoughts about the upcoming performance for positive thoughts. 'Are you worried about the way your voice will sound, or whether you’ll forget your lines? Challenge these negative thoughts by turning them into positive ones. Even if you did forget a line, the audience won’t recall it! The show will go on; stage fright won’t.' (Milionis, 2022)

I tried using this technique to challenge my negative thoughts. If I mess up, then I carry on. No one is here to judge me. My material is good. It doesn't need to be perfect, as long as I have tried my best. I may not have lots of material yet, but I am still in my creative process, there is still time before the show. Once I began to challenge these negative thoughts, I noticed a gradual change in how I viewed my work. I began to really appreciate how much time and effort I had put into my performance and I felt proud of all I had achieved so far. I felt more confident in performing in front of my peers and the thought of performing my show felt less daunting.

This will help me in future performances, open rehearsals, or feedback sessions. When rehearsing for this show or other one person shows in the future, I would like members of the public to be able to watch some of my rehearsal as I would really value their feedback. I would especially value the feedback of people who have anxiety or know someone who has anxiety, as this will open a friendly conversation about mental health and inform me of what works in my show and what needs changing to suit an audience with anxiety. When reaching out to people for open rehearsals and performances, I could talk to leaders of mental health groups for teenagers, such as CAMHS, or youth groups, or local students studying degrees like Psychology. I could even reach out to local D&D groups as my work may appeal to them due to the fantasy theming of my work. I would love to take this show to secondary schools as it is a fun and humorous piece that also carries an empowering message that it is okay to open up about your struggles, they do not make you a burden. We all have the strength within us to face our fears and even if at first we don't succeed, it does not make us a failure. Sometimes we just need more time. Jen's struggles with her mental health do not disappear by the end of the show. The show emphasises the need to take small steps and that even the smallest victory should be celebrated.

For my first share back in front of my peers and tutors, I showed two scenes from my show. The first scene takes place on a bus. Jen is sitting on a bus and meets a woman called Maisy. She is immediately smitten with her and finds her very attractive. She is nervous and tries to talk to her but she struggles due to the voice of anxiety getting in the way. The scene ends on a lighter note as Maisy and Jen talk a bit about themselves and they tell each other their names. It gives the impression that Maisy may like Jen back. I chose to show this scene because it is funny and it gives a sense of the style of the show. I think the scene went well as the audience found it funny which is what I hoped for. It could have been better because the air conditioning came on right before I started performing, which meant that the audience couldn’t hear the audio recordings on my phone. People could guess what was happening in the scene because of my responses and facial expressions.

The second scene I showed was where Jen is in her bedroom and she makes up a fantasy story about Maisy, before transporting the audience to her fantasy world. In this story, Jen is a knight who travels by boat to save Princess Maisy from a tower, guarded by a Sea Serpent. As Jen is in her bedroom, she uses props typically found in a bedroom. The row boat is made of two chairs or boxes and Jen’s oar is actually an umbrella. Jen narrates the story as it happens. I chose this scene because it shows the fantasy style of the show. As part of the feedback for this scene, I was told that I should include music and wave sounds to make the scene more exciting. I think I was not as confident performing this scene as I was with the previous scene because I was still using my script and it is quite a physical scene. I run about, making the boat and putting on costume. This also made it harder to engage with the audience. I had to keep looking down at my script which meant that I couldn’t maintain eye contact with the audience for very long. Another piece of feedback that I was given was to work out when I build the boat and gather my props as it looked a bit unorganised in the show back.

It was also suggested that we hear the Sea Serpent talk to Jen earlier on in the show. I had planned for the Sea Serpent to speak and taunt Jen in their final battle. If we hear it talk earlier on, we can hear the argument Jen constantly has with anxiety, which is represented by the Sea Serpent. A lot of Jen’s conversations with anxiety are not very aggressive, but the Sea Serpent’s taunts could be scarier.

I think to improve, I need to consider who my target audience would be for the show. If it is for a younger audience, I may need to reconsider how dark the show gets. I had originally envisioned the show begin aimed at people aged over 14 due to the language used and character distress. I think it’s a show that anyone can enjoy, however I was told that there is not enough theatre for teen audiences, so that may be something to consider. I also think that people who suffer from anxiety will enjoy this show as they will be able to relate with some of the content and understand the humour of it. The show discusses anxiety in a light way and even uses humour to discuss anxiety.

Bibliography

Milionis, B., 2022. How to Get Rid of Nerves Before a Performance. [Online] Available at: https://www.theactorspulse.com.au/acting-auditions/how-to-get-rid-of-nerves-before-a-performance/ [Accessed 29 September 2023].